Where does all the eggnog in the world go on January 1? I’m just wondering, because it seems to magically disappear from every grocery store, every Costco, every Sam’s Club. It’s not even discounted anywhere because the expiration date on the remaining 47 cases of eggnog is January 2 and they are trying to unload it. I would still buy it! I would buy it and freeze it and thaw it out and celebrate Valentine’s Day with it. Yes, I would. But it’s not there. It’s not anywhere. It’s completely gone. Why?



It says on the container that it’s a holiday classic. Why does it have to be a HOLIDAY classic? Can’t it be an EVERYDAY classic? I like to have it every day, that’s for sure. Right, it’s bad for me—I know that, but I want the OPTION of having it every day, and that option is being taken away from me. Eggnog lovers, unite! Let’s demand that we at least be allowed to buy the eggnog that is still … SOMEWHERE!

I bought 6 half gallons of eggnog on December 31 at Costco, and they had LOTS. The checker asked me if it was marked down. I said, “No, but I know if I come back in two days, it will be gone!” The expiration date on these half gallons is February 9. I don’t even have to freeze them! Between my kids and me, this will be gone long before then.

So, what gives? Where has all the eggnog gone? Why is the eggnog gone? I’ll ponder this subject while I drink my own eggnog right now. I lace mine with a little brandy and liberally sprinkle it with nutmeg. Some people like rum in their eggnog. It doesn’t matter what you like in it, though, if you can’t even get it. Bah humbug!

I ordered some software recently, and it was shipped through the United States Post Office from Phoenix on July 8. On July 11, the package arrived here in my home city, Memphis—three days, that's good. Unfortunately, it didn't actually arrive IN my mailbox. Nope, it was processed through the Sort Facility in Memphis and sent to Denver, where it was processed again on July 12 and sent back to Phoenix. On July 13, Phoenix processed it through their Sort Facility (again), and it was sent to Scottsdale (first time for Scottsdale), who then processed it on July 14 and sent it on to Bell, California (another first). I can hardly wait to find out where it is today, July 16, which I will know tomorrow when the USPS updates their tracking information. Gosh, maybe it's gone all the way to Alaska by now! This is so much fun. I just wish it was my Flat Stanley.
The other day, I watched my mail carrier pull into my neighbor's driveway to deliver a box that wouldn't fit in her mailbox. He never got out of the mail truck; just threw the box towards her front step. Gave it a big heave, he did, but it didn't quite get there. It was close enough, though. Heck of an arm on that mail carrier.

I hope I never have to rely on the United States Post Office to ship a kidney or a Faberge Egg.

Thank goodness for Fedex.